Thanks for visiting my website, reader! I should probably be a bit more upfront about this particular post vs a majority of the others right off the bat. (You know, in case you feel like getting out now).
One thing that I'm trying my absolute best to do (and still struggling with) is to be openly vulnerable in my writing. After all, writing is typically based off of those experiences and characters that writers associate themselves with on a daily basis.
Here I am, a regular human being, who very deeply struggles with being openly vulnerable.
Am I able to do it? Heck yeah!
However, it typically takes me quite a long time to trust someone enough before divulging into any small piece of my life story.
Yet, I'm aspiring to be a professional writer wandering about in the public eye, a career one must be openly vulnerable 24/7, if one wishes to succeed.
So, let me just say a bit of a forewarning that this particular blog post might veer a bit deeper than typical. If you wish to click away at that big red X in the corner, I won't fault you. In fact, that's totally okay! Hopefully we'll see you here again soon! This post is more so for me, than the readers. But, I'll make sure to hit you guys up with a more lighthearted post follow-up ASAP.
So, let's get to it.
One idea that I found to explore vulnerability is a letter to your 14 year old self. You know, that freshman in high school, super young version of yourself? If I could speak to my 14 year old self, what would I say?
Let's dive in together...
Dear 14 year old Nicholas Fagen,
A freshman in high school, huh? How nerve-racking. I completely understand your overwhelming anxiety and apprehensiveness.
There are oh-so many life events headed your way. Many of them are good and many of them are not so good. Unfortunately, I don't have the allowed privilege of gifting you with any warnings or caution.
If I could, though, I'm not so sure that I would.
I know you might find that hurtful. I sincerely apologize for that.
At this point, you really haven't quite met anybody in your life that you feel is worthy of your trust. You're likely learning to come to terms with the fact that that time may never even come.
Relationships are your #1 priority in life, and for that, I applaud you. To have your main motivation in life as not money or grand success, but rather solid friendships and relationships is honestly quite mature. Yet, you don't quite have any relationships to cherish and nurture at this point. But, I promise they will come.
High school will come and go. And while even though it could feel like the end of the entire world sometimes, you'll be stunned to know that there will actually be a number of cherished months and minutes where you, Nicholas Fagen, will somehow feel on top of the world!
Yes, there will be moments of glory and blissful happiness, believe it or not! You'll join sports that, at this point, you haven't even heard of! And soon after, you will head off to college and I swear, you will have the greatest times of your life.
But for now, you're still 14 and have a long ways to go.
My advice? Stop caring so much about what other people think. Don't let this plague you for years and years. I know you think it is important to fit in and not be an outcast. I understand this more than anyone.
I promise you, though, it does not matter. Not even a little bit. Be the outcast. Create your own style and pride yourself on it. After you're out of this school, you'll rarely ever see any of these people ever again. Be yourself and own it.
What else is headed your way? Well, you might not know this just yet, but life is not linear. Far from it. Rather, it is a series of ups and downs.
Will your heart be broken? Absolutely. And not just once, sadly, but multiple times. It pains me to tell you the shocking truth that some future heartbreak will be caused not just by significant others and romantic partners, but by precious friends and family figures as well. Those hurt like hell.
Will you still sometimes act like a bonehead to preserve a dying relationship? Yup.
Will you press on? Entirely.
See, because without these experiences, you will not become the man that you were always born to be. There is a purpose for everyone in this world and through all of life's offered experiences, you will embrace each of your unique perspectives and share them as best you can.
Will you still struggle? Certainly.
While I'm writing this to you at 26, there is still much more of a life to be lived. And still, to this day, some of these things can randomly come back from time to time. But now, you'll have a better idea of how to deal with it!
See, there's a long way until you're at my age, and by then, I'll quite possibly be writing to you from age 38.
I know that you believe you have a gift in writing. You're too afraid to show it, and that's okay. It'll come in time. At 26, we're finally working on publishing that first book that we always dreamt about. And believe it or not, there are tons of people on your side, awaiting your success.
While we don't hunt riches or fame, the relationships will come.
Keep in mind, the majority of your best friends in the world haven't even come into your life yet! You know, the ones who plan epic reunions with you? The ones who go on distant vacations with you? The ones who can't even imagine their weddings without you standing by their side? I know it's the farthest from your mind but if you could see the caliber of the friendships you're going to make (and these just in the next ten years), you'd probably openly start balling like a baby.
Embrace every moment that you can, to the best of your ability. Whether it is negative or positive, it can always have a positive impact if you allow it. Who knows, you might even surprise yourself and get caught up in the intensity of a memory at the moments of its creation. That's when I find life to be the absolute greatest.
And heck, there might even be some surprises on the way that you couldn't even imagine in your wildest dreams...
The friends, the sports, the parties, the games, the drinks, the pets, the long drives, the struggles, the late night conversations, the masterpieces, the inside jokes, there is so much headed your way!
Keep an open mind as much as possible, especially with mom and dad (who really are trying their best).
Keep writing until you can't feel your fingers anymore.
Keep studying music like it's your job.
Keep embracing Star Wars and Harry Potter and lose yourself in all types of magical worlds.
Keep diving into that imagination.
Never give up and always stay positive! Live every moment like it was your last. Be yourself. The right people will come to you at the right time.
Soon enough, you'll be so overwhelmed with future invites and past memories that you won't even know what to do with them all.
Doesn't that sound amazing?
Best of Luck,
26 Year Old Nicholas Fagen
Wow! I will say that I found that experience to be quite cathartic. That really was my first time being openly 100% vulnerable to the public and if you're still reading this, thank you for embarking on that crazy journey with me. As always, I sincerely appreciate every one of you guys!
Will be writing again soon!
Until then...
❤️ 🧡 💙 💚 💜
❤️ 🧡 💙 💚 💜
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